England's Adam Lallana completed his move to Liverpool earlier this afternoon

Adam Lallana: "Goodbye, Big Fart"

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When Liverpool finally announced the formal signing of Southampton’s Adam Lallana, I, unlike a section of Saints fans, felt fine.

 

After weeks of crowing behind the scenes over the clubs refusal to do business without a manager, telling Liverpool fans out in Brazil that he “hoped” to be signing for them soon, and constantly speaking in obscure riddles whenever questioned, it was easy to see why some fans were finding it hard to remember the good times we shared with young Adam. I was willing to forgive… until I read THIS quote:

 

“Last season, deep down, I was thinking: hopefully one day I’ll be able to play in that team. That dream is reality now.” –  Adam Lallana

 

Oh. Okay then.

 

It instantly reminded me of that terrific Family Guy cut-away, where Dorothy says, “Goodbye Tin Man. Goodbye Lion. And I think I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.” If you know the scene, you’ll know how well that goes down. And much like the Tin Man, I found myself thinking, “You’re like five minutes from gone and you leave with that? That’s like cutting a huge fart and walking out of the room. And that’s how we’ll remember you. As a big fart.”

 

It leaves a bitter taste, to say the least. It wasn’t that long ago he was sat in front of his freshly signed five-year extension, claiming he would “bite you hand off” for the opportunity to see out his career at Southampton. Indeed it wasn’t that long ago that he was juggling not one, not two, but FOUR end of season award statues, including both Fans Player of the Year AND Player’s Player of the Year. Suddenly, all the badge kisses, all the guarantees, all the loving sentiments and “butter wouldn’t melt” smiles seem so unbearably disingenuous. It’s an acrimonious end to what should have been a fond farewell.

 

It was announced earlier this evening that Lallana has taken an entire page in tomorrows edition of our local paper to offer his goodbyes, but will it be enough? I know for a fact that for a section of Southampton fans, it won’t be. Many have spent the day searching out incriminating quotes from that now infamous five year contract extension and distancing themselves from any sense of sentimentality in an early protest of whatever that article may bring.

 

Tomorrow may yet repair some of the cracks in Lallana’s now fractured relationship with the fans who once called him their captain, but today, Southampton only have one thing to say.

 

Goodbye, big fart.

 

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Tags: Adam Lallana English Premier League Southampton

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